In an effort to avoid paying what they deem as excessive taxation, Apple Inc. announced plans today to move their corporate headquarters to the Moon.
Apple’s current HQ is in the nation of Ireland. European officials recently notified Apple that they must pay up to 13 billion euros ($14.6 billion) in unpaid back taxes.
“Apple has made a lot of money and this has made all governments a little greedy,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook. “This is money that would be better invested in Apple research and development. We are excited for our Moon based headquarters.”
Apple shares jumped almost 7% on news of the coming Apple Moon HQ.
The decision to move to the Moon is the biggest attempt to avoid taxes ever made by a single company, and it could spark a huge international conflict over how U.S. companies avoid ever paying taxes to anyone, anywhere.
“Last I checked, no country has taxation rights over the Moon,” said international tax expert, Barry Goodman. “This is a brilliant move by Apple, one which will soon be imitated by every other major blue chip company.”
Inspired by the concept, Facebook, Coca Cola and Fox News are all reportedly already looking into setting up their own Moon bases.
The European Commission, which administers EU law, said that Apple has paid “almost nothing” in taxes for more than 20 years.
“They’re high-tech scumbags. Apple will stop at nothing to avoid paying taxes, and this move to the Moon is flagrantly illegal. The United States must do something to stop their rampant greed,” said Commissioner Margrethe Vestager, Europe’s top antitrust official.
The United States fired back immediately, saying that it could not levy tax assessments to companies on the Moon.
“The United States was the first nation to land on the Moon, but we still can’t tax Apple when they establish their headquarters there,” a Treasury spokesperson said. “You have to admire American ingenuity when it comes to not paying taxes and cheating the rules.”
Although their new corporate headquarters will officially be located on the Moon, Apple will continue to actually make their iPhones using slave labor in China.