BAKERSFIELD, CA – A 20-year-old man named Raymond Chatfield walked out of a premiere of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ on Thursday night and shouted out a major spoiler, which was heard by almost a hundred people waiting on line in the lobby.
“I was waiting on line to see the 10pm showing,” said witness Robert Selvidge. “Then this snot-nose kid walks past the line, shouts out the ending and starts laughing. He totally ruined the movie for everyone...what a jerk!”
Chatfield was immediately assaulted by a Wookie, a Stormtrooper and Boba Fett.
“I saw it all. This guy shouts out the spoiler right? Within 15 seconds he was on the ground getting his ass stomped,” said another witness, who asked to remain anonymous. “At first the crowd was cheering them on, and I think that made it worse. They beat him up for a solid 5 minutes, kicking him in the balls, punching him in the gut, bitch-slapping him...eventually people got quiet. Even I was like, okay...enough yo.”
The Wookie, the Stormtrooper and Boba Fett were not only not arrested by police, they were even allowed to watch the movie as planned.
“We view this as justifiable assault,” said police chief Greg Richardson. “May the Force be with you.”
The spoiler Raymond Chatfield is currently listed in critical condition in the intensive care unit at Mercy Hospital.