CEO’s from several major car manufacturers held a joint press conference today to implore Americans to not rely upon divine interference to save them in an accident.
“In the last few decades, the phrase ‘Jesus take the wheel’ has become quite popular,” said General Motors CEO Mary Barra. “Originally meant as a form of general life advice, it’s been taken literally by millions of religious Americans. Our studies have shown that far too many drivers are letting go of the wheel during critical moments. As a result, car accidents in the USA have risen exponentially every year. The Bible Belt has been hit particularly hard. It’s tragic.”
Tesla CEO Elon Musk:
“If you are about to get into a car crash, please don’t let go of the wheel and think that Jesus will magically appear and save the day. Jesus will never take the wheel. In fact, the exact opposite of that will happen. You will crash.”
Ford CEO Mark Fields:
“Please, for the love of Jesus, please stop using that stupid phrase. We beg you. Innocent people are dying.”
Toyota CEO Akio Toyoda:
“In Japan, silly ideas are not popular. Japanese people would never think that a 2000-year-old magic blond white man from the Middle East would know how to drive. Why are Americans so fucking stupid?”
The automakers will lobby Congress for the right to sue anyone who utters the phrase.