Entire Media Agrees Not To Call Planned Parenthood Shooter A Christian Terrorist


NEW YORK, NY – Every news organization in the world agreed Saturday never to describe the shooter who attacked a Planned Parenthood in Colorado as a ‘Christian terrorist,’ even though that’s exactly what he is.

“Well, he’s an angry Christian conservative white man,” said CNN news chief Wolf Blitzer. “So we prefer to refer to him as being mentally ill.”

Some suggested that this decision was motivated by ratings.

“We obviously can’t call him a Christian extremist or a Christian terrorist,” said Fox News host Bill O’Reilly. “Most of our audience is Christian and would be offended. Besides, we would never report that anyway, because it’s something that’s true.”

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews agreed that telling the truth would hurt ratings.

“If we called this shooter what he is, a violent Christian extremist who was motivated by the rhetoric of angry Republican politicians to save the lives of the unborn by killing the born, people would flip their lids,” said MSNBC host Chris Matthews. “Everyone knows that the Tea Party is not that far off from becoming ISIS, but we can’t say that, because white conservative viewers would get upset and this would hurt ad revenue.”

Others noted the difference in reporting between different types of religious terrorism.

“See, when a Muslim extremist does something violent, we can point out how they’re a Muslim and how people should be afraid of Muslims and everyone is okay with that,” said NBC News anchor Brian Williams, who somehow still has a job. “But when it’s a Christian terrorist, it’s important for us to note how he was just one lone-wolf rotten egg out of millions and that he’s a mentally ill monster.”

In the 24 hours since the Planned Parenthood shooting, there have been zero reports of Christians being harassed. The lack of fear mongering by the media has also led to zero armed militia members showing up to patrol churches.

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