MOREHEAD, KENTUCKY – The LORD God materialized inside the jail cell of Kentucky clerk Kim Davis this morning to personally tell her that she’s an idiot.
“INSOLENT MORTAL!” boomed Almighty God. “Stop what you are doing! I love gay marriage, why else would I make it legal? And how dare you use My Name to justify your bigotry? Seriously…you’re an idiot.”
Upon hearing the LORD call her an idiot, Kim Davis was quite startled. She then voided her bowels and fainted. She was later taken to the infirmary and revived.
After waking up, Kim Davis is said to have changed her mind on same-sex marriage.
“I was sure my God was a bigot like me,” said a groggy Davis. “But apparently, God loves gays and believes in love and equality. He also thinks I’m an asshole. Hopefully if I change my ways and marry a lot of gay couples, God will love me again. Also if I don’t get out of here soon I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get shanked.”
Reached for comment, God emphasized that Davis was not jailed ‘for being Christian’ but for not doing her job and acting like a stupid idiot.