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Italy Earthquake Damage Removed By Massive Wave Of Thoughts And Prayers

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Italy was reeling from a 6.6 magnitude earthquake early Wednesday that devastated towns and homes in central Italy. Rescuers dove through piles of rubble all day in a heroic search for survivors as international aid agencies rushed to provide support.

However, by mid-day these efforts were proven unnecessary as users on Twitter got the phrase #PrayForItaly trending with over 151,000 Tweets. The thoughts and prayers hit a critical mass and for the first time, God listened.

At approximately 4:19pm and just as #PrayForItaly reached 150,000 Tweets, all of the damage that had been inflicted by the earthquake suddenly and miraculously disappeared. Buildings and entire towns that were utterly destroyed just an hour before were suddenly restored to perfect condition.

It is clear that some kind of miracle has occurred. After years of trying, users of the Internet finally rallied to create enough thoughts and prayers to satisfy a vengeful God, who at long last obliged humans of the world with one truly good deed.

Rescue efforts are no longer needed, said Luigi Salvatore, an official with Italy’s Emergency Protection Department.

“I can’t believe it’s all fixed!” exclaimed Salvatore. “There is a God, and he cares about how many thoughts and prayers we give him. Let’s all make sure to keep doing that, as today has proven it produces incredible results.”

However, not all Italian citizens were as enthusiastic about the ‘miracle.’

“I don’t know, this is all a bit too soon,” said Vincenzo Giovanni, an Italian construction contractor. “This is not natural, we should have rebuilded those towns, not God. And why has he not helped before? Fuck you, God.”

Upon discovering that their thoughts and prayers had completely reversed the damage in Italy, Twitter users were triumphant and boldly predicted their hashtags would save the world.

“We have the power to solve any problem, we just need to keep Tweeting #PrayForItaly,” wrote Twitter user @MonkeyFartsBoi297.

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