Man Dressed As Harambe At Football Game Shot To Death


CINCINNATI – A local man who thought it would be funny to dress up as Harambe and drag children around at a football game was shot to death by police last night.

Harambe is the beloved gorilla who was tragically shot by Cincinnati Zoo officials after a child fell into her enclosure in May. Dykstra showed up to the high-school football game dressed as Harambe and immediately caused a stir.

“He grabbed a kid and started dragging him,” said one eyewitness. “It was horrible! Thank goodness the police were there. Who knows what could have happened?”

Friends of the man, whose name is John Dykstra, said he was a huge fan of Harambe memes and hashtags.

“Anytime he could post a dank Harambe meme, John was happy,” said one acquaintance, who asked to remain anonymous. “But he became obsessed and went way too far with it. Started harassing celebrities and stuff. He acted like a child and Harambe killed him for it.”

Police shot the 180-pound human, rather than tranquilizing him. The situation sparked widespread Internet outrage over the decision to shoot the man and whether the man’s parents were to blame for raising an idiot.

“How could they?” said Cincinnati Zoo Director Thane Maynard. “How could they raise such an idiot? It’s clearly the fault of the parents. The police did the right thing.”

Dykstra was shot over 32 times by police on the scene. Some on social media have blasted how the situation was handled. Cincinnati Police Chief Eliot Isaac defended the decision to shoot the Harambe impersonator.

“If we had to do it again, we would do it the same way,” said Isaac. “This guy was aggressively dragging a 5-year-old child. What if the child’s head fell off? We had to act and act fast.”

A fundraiser to cover funeral expenses for the slain Harambe impersonator has already raised over $200,000.

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