Price Of Insulin Rising Because CEO’s Are Greedy Bastards


The price of insulin has tripled in the last 10 years and some diabetics can no longer afford the life-saving insulin they desperately need to avoid illnesses such as kidney failure. The cost has risen from $100 to $500 per month.

So why is the cost of insulin rising so fast? Who is to blame for this travesty of justice? According to one healthcare professional, the answer is simple.

“To put it bluntly, the single biggest reason that insulin costs are skyrocketing is because of greedy bastards,” said Diane Weintraub, a Boston area pediatrician who has worked for healthcare reform for over 30 years. “People are dying in the USA from totally treatable diseases because greedy bastards can never steal enough money.”

More specifically, the greedy bastards in this instance of pharmaceutical extortion are the companies of Sanofi, Eli Lilly, and Novo Nordisk.

The CEO of Sanofi is named Olivier Brandicourt and is a total douche. The CEO of Eli Lilly is named John C. Lechleiter and is a real prick. Finally, the CEO of Novo Nordisk is named Lars Rebien Sørensen and he’s one of the greediest bastards of all time. These greedy bastards have colluded to raise the prices of wholesale insulin by over 3000%.

“People are suffering, people like me,” said Jerry Bailey, a college student in Iowa with Type 1 diabetes. “These greedy bastard companies don’t care if people live or die, they just care about giving themselves millions of dollars in raises.”

Although the situation appears grim, Weintraub is not ready to throw in the towel just yet. She says there are many ways to punish and smite these greedy bastards.

“You can’t let yourself be pushed around by greedy bastards,” said Weintraub. “You have to vote and elect politicians who don’t take money from greedy bastards…the problem is that most politicians are greedy bastards too. So you gotta protest and get in their face and make their stock plunge. Or, and you didn’t hear this from me, you can TP (toilet-paper) their house everyday for a year. Or leave a bag of dog poo on their porch, ring the doorbell and run. That’ll show’em. Don’t take shit from anyone.”

Diane Weintraub is the author of the NY Times bestselling book “Fuck You, Asshole: The Vital Role Of Brutal Honesty In The Search For Healthcare Reform.”