Hi, humans. Like most of you, I’ve watched the elections this year with a large dose of disgust and dismay. I’m ready for the whole ordeal to be over so we can stop hearing about it. But no matter who wins in November, I can promise you this; there’s a special place in hell for Donald Trump.
For reals. It’s a Maximum Sufffering Torture Facility being built in the 7th Circle of Hell right now as we speak. Trump’s special place is being built through hard labor by his relatives in hell. I even got Satan to pay for it.
I promise you, when I finally smite Donald Trump once and for all with a massive heart attack, he will go directly to Trump’s special place in hell. It will have all the bells, whistles, knives and lasers you would expect of a modern torture facility to ensure infinite pain.
When Donald is not busy having his skin sliced off by demons, he’ll be whisked away to the Insult Punishment Room, where Hell’s best comedians will ruthlessly mock Trump’s baby hands and micro-penis for the rest of eternity as Donald weeps for mercy.
But the best part is the Ironic Punishment Room.
Trump shall be forced to build a gigantic wall around himself for all eternity.
Trump shall be given extremely large hands he cannot lift.
Trump’s hair shall always be super messy, but there shall be no hairspray for him.
Trump shall always be hungry, but the only available food will be Trump steaks.
Trump shall be made to listen to his own rantings on an endless loop while a gigantic Mexican guy punches him in the gut.
So anytime you go online and read the latest horrible, terrifying, racist, insane thing that Donald Trump has said today, just remember, there’s a special place in hell for Donald Trump. Promise.
PS –While there is no special place in hell for women that don’t support Hillary Clinton, there is a special place in hell for Hillary Clinton herself. One of her punishments involves becoming a classified email and getting deleted over and over again for the rest of time. Sounds boring, right? Wrong. Way more painful than it sounds.