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Times Square Elmo Assaulted At Trump Event

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NEW YORK CITY – A man has been charged with assault after a Times Square Elmo impersonator was beaten unconscious with a chair at Donald Trump’s New York victory party Tuesday night.

“We’re watching the Donald give his victory speech and this fake Elmo guy comes out of nowhere and starts heckling Trump,” said one ardent Trump supporter, who asked to remain anonymous. “I don’t know what he said though, pretty sure it was in Mexican.”

Within seconds of the disturbance, a Trump supporter named Jarod Johnston picked up his chair and started attacking Elmo with it.

“He must have slammed Elmo 12 times with that metal folding chair,” said the anonymous Trump supporter. “There was blood flying, it was like watching professional wrestling. Trump is already making this country great again.”

Rarely one to keep quiet, Trump spoke out about the situation as it unfolded.

“Get him out of here! Get him out!” yelled Trump during his speech. “Sesame Street is full of drug addicts, rapists and killers. How about we put all those puppet criminals in prison? Huh? After that I’ll buy up Sesame Street and turn it into a beautiful hotel and golf resort.”

As Elmo was carried out on a stretcher, Trump continued his victory speech.

“We won New York and we’re going to keep winning,” said Trump. “And when I’m president I’m gonna send all these Bernie people to camps and gas’em, folks. I make the best concentration camps, the absolute best, just fabulous.”

The Elmo impersonator is actually a Russian immigrant named Emil Tretyakov, who is still in the hospital after suffering a head wound and a severe concussion. Tretyakov doesn’t speak English, but told a translator that he is a Trump supporter and was merely at the rally to celebrate. He realizes he should not have been shouting victory chants in Russian. He also indicated that the language barrier created confusion and so he will not be pressing charges.

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