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Trump Calls Jesus ‘A Loser’

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Donald Trump said Thursday that Jesus Christ was a ‘socialist loser’ because he used to feed the poor and heal the sick.

Then Trump – the Republican presidential nominee – vowed:

“Believe me, Trump would never help the poor.”

“I would never give away medicine for free. Jesus was weak. Let me tell you something, Jesus is not god. He’s god because he was crucified. I like gods that weren’t crucified.”

“Perhaps he’s god, but right now, Jesus hasn’t done anything in 2000 years,” Trump added. “Jesus gets up there and starts bleeding out on the cross. Trump wouldn’t do that. He has blood coming out of his sides, his eyes, his feet, blood coming out of his wherever. Just disgusting.”

The real estate tycoon also said he didn’t like Jesus after he found out that he used to give away free healthcare to the poor.

“I never liked Jesus after that, because I don’t like socialist losers,” Trump said. “He’s as weak as Bernie Sanders.”

“I just don’t respect Jesus as a savior,” Trump said of Jesus. “I have no respect for him. I don’t think he’s very good at being a deity. He never owned any casinos, he never married models like I have. I think Jesus is highly overrated.”

Trump said he is considering starting his own religion named ‘Trumpology.’ Trumpology would focus on the worship of money and of Trump the Savior.

Leading pollsters think Trump’s poll numbers will probably rise after this as many Republicans will assume he was merely insulting a Mexican named Jesus.

17 Comments on "Trump Calls Jesus ‘A Loser’"

  1. Trump is sick in the head and anyone who really thinks he is nothing but evil is as sick as him if he became head of the USA you just need to put 666 on your head now .Beause He is the Devil helper here on earth.

  2. You lieing fucking like bastards please fuck yourselves!

  3. Lee Martinsen | June 9, 2016 at 2:51 pm |

    This is obviously another lie perpetuated by Hitlary. Donald Trump is a Christian.

  4. This satire, is the best I’ve seen since Gary Larson’s classic “The Far Side.” Go GOD!

  5. This is all a lie. You can try to demonize Trump all you want, but we are on to the liberal agenda. He is the only man you can count on to protect your religious freedom. Hillary is a heathen.

  6. Bruce Dillon | June 13, 2016 at 7:50 pm |

    Loser, eh? Trump would know!
    L(*;*()VE

  7. etienne bindels | July 10, 2016 at 12:09 pm |

    haha all the people taking this seriously are so fucking retarded, take yourselves off of this planet, make it a better place :”)

  8. etienne bindels | July 10, 2016 at 12:09 pm |

    stupid XD

  9. I don’t like Trump – but this is not true – Fact check people – http://www.snopes.com/donald-trump-jesus-socialist-loser/

  10. At present, I am a Pastafarian who worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster. However, if Trump establishes “Trumpology” I would consider converting!

  11. Pamela Schaffer BUTT BUSTER | July 10, 2016 at 11:27 pm |

    Really Pamela.. and Hitlery and Oblammy are God Believing Assistants to the poor and disrespected?? NOT .. Trump Trump Trump..

  12. God's Ass Kicker | July 10, 2016 at 11:28 pm |

    Trump Trump Trump

  13. Please learn to spell before you claim another of being stupid.

  14. donald trump is not a man of god no politition is you better take heed to that truth

  15. everyone: 1. look up SATIRE in the online dictionary. i know it will be an online one because you believe books are evil and you would not have one in your home for fear of inviting the devil in. 2. calling someone rude names is not clever; nor is it convincing. 3. tell a satire site to fuck itself is asking for something that is physically impossible. 4. those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it — george santayana. in case you still don’t get it, find yet ANOTHER book (lucy davidovich’s the war against the jews is a good one) and see what i mean.

    g

    p.s. the satirical content of this article is based on things trump said — just not about jesus. you’d have to have been paying attention to know this. attention is something it appears most of you do not have in great quantities. i should be telling this to fleas if i want to be better heeded.

  16. * Writes “lieing”
    * Tells other people to learn to spell
    * LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

  17. I see a lot of Russian trolls on this thread.
    The sad part of this satire, is that it’s totally believable with this *candidate* & his *followers*, ignoring all the hate & lies (91-97% according to nonpartisan fact check sites).
    FIFTY TOP GOP Intelligence Officers say he is not only unfit, but a danger to OUR Country!
    America before Party, for all Americans & Veterans.

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